What did Jesus look like??

Ok if you get easily offended I would turn around and stop reading now. If you are really curious and can’t not read , then please keep in mind I warned you this may be a trigger. I’m not telling anyone to not believe in their religion, okay? I just simply wonder about some things an why they matter to the followers of specific religions. 

So I came across this picture and I had to say something about this. 

I am Not holding this back any more. 
Seriously, I really wonder why some things matter to people. I love/hate seeing ridiculous things like this. There’s no proof what he actually looked like. The bible was a book written by man, for all we know it could be a bunch of drug induced stories made up, the depiction was obviously made up by a white guy or from what I’m reading is a stolen portrait of someone else, but no one should really care cause even if this said God/Jesus exists he’s not alive walking around and does it even really matter what he looked like ? 

Does it change anything ? 

Would you follow the religion any more or less knowing he was a specific color ? 

Do you think he even cares what the hell he looks like ? 

No, he said LOVE THY NEIGHBOR. No matter what. No matter black, white, brown yellow, etc.

So hang whatever picture of a random guy of your color choice in your house and call it Jesus, I promise no one not even the devil himself will give a crap. 

Have a nice day.

Apologies.

I’d like to say sorry to a lot of people. The ones who I don’t seem to have time for any more, that can’t seem to understand why. The ones who keep inviting me places, especially back home in Pa where I no longer live. I need you all to know, I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry I can’t be at your bridal shower, I’m raising my kids, cooking meals and doing the laundry. I’m sorry I can’t make it to your birthday party at the bar, plans for a sitter don’t always work out, and I’m not much of a drinker anyway, but my kids also sick, so my job is to be here. I’m sorry I haven’t called you back, you left me 10 voicemails and I don’t know how many messages, but I don’t call many people, one reason is my kids are small but they’re loud! I don’t have much time to make calls, texting is far easier because I can do it quietly so I don’t disturb their sleep , and they won’t know I’m having a conversation that they feel the need to interrupt. Also, my voice is tired from telling them no, stop, sit, be nice, no hitting, please pick up your toys etc etc. but I am sorry. Im sorry I can’t make things anymore and send them to you, I’d love to do that, I just don’t have time. If you asked me before what I thought being a stay at home mom would be like I would have said sounds easy, clean up, play with toys and feed the kid, bathe them, blow bubbles and watch tv.. But it’s all that plus a million more things. And every day is Different. Some days I have 10 minutes of calm children so I can call someone and I always choose the most important ones. Some days I have a sick kid, or two, or all 3. Sometimes I’m sick and I don’t get days off, so I’m running a fever and errands with all kids. I don’t have an off button, there is no chill mode, I’m always ready for action because you never know when they’ll wake up having a bad dream or needing more milk. I’m sorry but I’ve put my kids above all else. I’m even neglecting Myself to keep up with their needs. I’m posting this at almost midnight because this is my only silent hour alone before I sleep. I’m sorry you don’t understand that I cannot physically be there for you all the time or even some times my friends, my family. But I can be there for you, just text me. I’m sorry I can’t always see you or make plans to, but I can have conversations via text or email even. I miss having the time to do things an not have to worry about anyone else, but I can’t do that any more. I’m sorry, It won’t last for ever though , so I hope it’s not too late 5 years from now. Although you’ll probably be too busy with life then, and I’ll understand. Hopefully then you will know how I felt tonight. 

The word, No & your kid.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the word no. And wondering why we suppress our children’s desire to use the word. I’ve concluded its not wrong of them to say No, it’s how they say it. Children don’t understand tones, they simply mirror your tones. If you ask your child would you please come sit with me, and they say No. They’re simply choosing what they would like to do with their body at that moment..and if your at home why fight it? If you’re in public I can understand needing them to cooperate and stay close to you, but you need to explain that to them so they understand that even if they don’t want to sit they have to stay close to you for safety. 

Several times my children have been asked to give a hug, or go talk to someone and they don’t want to, and I don’t see the need to force them. If my child wishes to not hug you, don’t get mad, it’s their body. If you want to talk to them and ask them to come to you an they say no, don’t force them or get angry, they may not be in the mood to chat with you, them saying no means they know their power of making decisions. They realize what’s important to them an what’s not. Don’t get me wrong, if my kid is totally out of line and rude when answering you, I’ll tell them to say no in a more polite way. But I will not force them to just do it because you want them to. Kids are humans, they have boundaries like anyone else. 

I hear the word No a lot. And that’s normal considering I have 3 boys, 2 of which can talk and can express their desire or dislike for things. If I were to teach them that no is not a good word or to not say it then they would suppress that urge, and allow people to cross their boundaries without their consent because I’ve conditioned them to think its ok, and I do not want that. I’m sure they wouldn’t either. As much as I protect my children, they are build to protect themselves in ways too and saying No is one of them. So instead of banning the word no in their world, teach them how to kindly decline offers of hugs, kisses, food, drink, social interactions etc instead of telling them they’re rude. Monkey see, monkey do. 

My Job, Life and expectations.

Let me start by saying I hate my job at times but I love it more often than I hate it. Usually.

Being a mom sounds like it could be either really fun, and easy, or too much work for some. Well, some days are easy, so easy I almost think man I could have 10. Then there are your mediocre days, that keep you just on edge enough to say No dear sleep on the other side of the room! Then the bad days, the really rough ones that make you say Nope. Never again, and why did I even have a kid or kids in the first place? Makes you question your sanity and your mental stability and every choice you made leading up to that very day. 

Most easy days are filled with relaxed, happy kids, not too clingy, playful but not rowdy and I can get quite a but accomplished as far as housework and errands and still have 32 seconds to myself to pee 2x in one day. 

Medium days, one of the three kids is being trying, but I still manage to feed us, and get something done, I list chores in order of importance so the really important things will get done an the not so important ones can be done later.. Or sometimes never if it’s putting laundry away. 😂

The hard days, I don’t even want to talk to people who can’t say here have some wine! These days two or all 3 of them are being clingy, Whiney, trying, or just aren’t listening whatsoever and it’s pushing me over the edge because I have so many other things to do.

“Oh that must be so nice to stay at home with your kids all day.” 

Uh what? Ok yes, some days it’s so so so nice. Others, not so much. I truly think day care onc day a week should be FREE and Manditory if your a stay at home parent. For our sanity! 

I’m not just doing things for me anymore like feeding, dressing, washing, laundry for myself, dishes for only me, driving myself places, dr for myself, shopping for me, cooking for me , nope. I’m doing all these things X4! Sometimes x5 when you factor in the husband.

I’m wiping 3 other butts. 3 other noses. Keeping track of my food and drink intake and 3 others! I have to properly hydrate 3 other humans. I have to get all 3 checkups regularly, and don’t always have time for myself to get one. 

And you know what, as much as these little beings annoy me and need me so much that I can’t breath sometimes, it’s ok. Because I chose to be a mom. I’ve learned to let a lot go. With 3 kids, you can’t keep all of them happy all the time, sometimes the yell, sometimes they cry, sometimes they push all the toys on the floor and lay in them an giggle with their feet in the air and all of these things are NORMAL.

 I’ve learned not to let my job be about keeping them spotless, the house spotless, myself or my husband pleased, the toys from being broken, or the couch from having a few crumbs now than then! I can live with a few broken toys an crummy chairs and broken sleep because my Job is to keep my children well taken care of, loved, Alive and happy.

So next time you say to a mom, “control your kid” when all they’re doing is hopping around making silly noises minding their business, remember that it’s a child an that’s what children do. Or next time you scoff at the kid that’s banging toys all over the table or floor , remember they’re children and the toys are just object (theirs if I might add) and as long as it’s not hurting the child or anyone else that they’ll be fine and remember that their mom is doing their best, the child is alive and happy, what difference does it make if they broke a toy, or have sticky faces. They have a loving home and full bellies. Don’t make my job any harder than it already is. My job doesn’t need to have more expectations added. Just live an let live, love an let love. 

Things I want my children to know

First, and foremost, you are loved. So very much, so deeply and the love is overwhelming at times. I know some days it seems like you aren’t, because mommy is upset or yelled or said No for whatever reason, but you are always loved.

I would do anything to protect you. I’m doing what I can, when I can, I go above and beyond every day, I sacrificed so much to keep you and love you, to house you and clothe you, and I don’t regret it. I do think sometimes what life would be like without you, I don’t think I would be anything without you. I wouldn’t be as caring, or responsible. I learned fast and early what it is to be ultimately responsible for another human. It’s hard, I want you to know it’s the hardest thing in the world but I don’t regret it, because I love you. 

I want you to know that no matter what happens in life your daddy loves you too. He has his own ways of showing it, and expressing it to you and others around him but he does. He works hard to help care for you, I know he doesn’t do everything mommy does, sometimes he can’t an somethings he doesn’t know how to do, but that’s ok because in the end you get taken care of and we will always do our best to be sure of it. 

You come first. Even when I tell you wait, be patient, let brother go first, remember mommy and daddy always go last, so you’re still ahead. You are not forgotten. You are worthy. You are wonderful and will always have your needs taken care of before mine, that’s how it’s supposed to be. 

I already miss you. You’ll be in school soon, and I’ll miss you, even though I will enjoy the quiet without you there and I’ll get to wash dishes without you pulling on my pants and hair whining for more juice, I’ll miss you. I like your company. You’re all I know, and I don’t regret it. Our lives will change every year, until you move out an then I’ll be lonely, I feel lonely sometimes now, but I have you, I am grateful for that I really am, and I’ll miss it for sure when you move out. 

Most of all, I wish I could do more. Know that in my life from the day you were born I’ve done all I could and will do all I can do . If I could give you more I would, that’s every parents dream is to be able to fulfill their child with all they need and want in the best ways. I’m trying to help you understand life and instill morals and teach you skills daily, accept it please an use it to your advantage.

Ps. The pain you put me through during labor is unforgettable but I forgive you because you’re precious and worth the effort to give you life and I’ll treasure that forever, so don’t let me down, be something great, be someone great, leave your mark on this earth as you have in my heart my sweet children. 

I’ll Love you forever, 

Mommy. 

Self worth

Have you ever really sat down and wondered or even acknowledged your worth? I mean, what are you actually worth? What do you do that determines that worth and how do you obtain the rewards? 

Let me elaborate, I know I’m worth more than I allow myself to have. I deserve time to myself, I deserve utter happiness as much as the next person, but my problem is that I am too busy provoding so much time and love for my children that I become an after thought. I don’t think I’m MORE important than anyone. My kids however are the MOST important. So I’m constantly battling myself to ignore them for a few minutes to brush my teeth, or fill out a check or cook something for only me.

I’m trying to stop ignoring myself though and include all of us to provide happiness for us all, not just them, or me but everyone. It doesn’t always work, and it’s ok cause sometimes sending a kid with your spouse or a family member to go do something else is vital. It may not fix your broken over worked spirit but it’ll give you a much needed break and time to think about things that don’t involve your kid(s).

About some compassion

It’s been a long while since I’ve blogged anything. I do it from my phone usually, and well I was without a phone then I just got wrapped up in the holiday stuff but I’m back now an with a new working phone, thank goodness. 

I wanted to share something that happened over the weekend. Totally caught me off guard, but I didn’t react like some people would think to. So it’s Sunday, and the weather has been awful lately, wet cold an just too crappy to take the kids out side, so we go to this indoor bounce house place. For $5 a kid to jump as long as they want, why not! There were two parties going on at the time, the place was busy busy busy. My almost 4 year old took off with my hubby to go bounce, baby is sleeping and i’m holding our 22 month old talking to him letting him warm up to the place cause he’s very shy and needed time to see it was a fun place. Well this kid comes up, out of no where just walks up and stares at the little baby I have in the stroller , I smiled at him an was about to speak and his mom was coming up behind him as he raised his hand and WHAM, hit my 4.5 month old sleeping child. I was shocked and upset but I didn’t flip.. I checked him an he only stirred an fell back to sleep, the boys mom however was so mad, she grabbed him started fussing at him an kept apologizing to me I assured her it was ok to just get her kid cause he was trying to ignore her. 

Now I’m glad my husband wasn’t there when it happened, as he would have ripped that lady a new one and we would have been out of there even though we had just gotten there less than 10 minutes prior to this incident. Here’s why I didn’t get mad and flip out on them; I don’t know the kid. I don’t know his mom. All I know is I saw her trying to talk to him and he didn’t look like he was all there , he had an emotionless expression on his face and could have had any number of issues I couldn’t see going on. I know it’s common for autistic children to act this way, he could have been acting out because the place was very overstimulating. I didn’t want to assume he was just a punk kid, or his mom was a piece of crap. I could have judged her and the kid and made a scene but I didn’t, I couldn’t react that way not knowing the people . Had it been someone I know an the child was just awful an the parent too, well I would have laid into them with lots of word, inappropriate ones. But I didn’t, I let her discipline him and focused on my kids it’s not fair to assume that kids should all be a certain way, and people should all be a certain way, I’ve grown to have an understanding that there’s things I don’t know about people so it’s not fair to judge them so quickly, besides would I have liked that done to me? I do hope that the child was disciplined appropriately and that he gets help with his temper issue, I hope the mom is taking the steps she needs. But most of all I hope if this happens to anyone else that they think and consider the possibility that there’s a reason for a child or even adults behavior to be this way, so not to judge and react in a violent manner but to forgive them and be considerate of their life that you know nothing about. 

Parenting, woes

It’s almost 11:30. I can’t sleep, I have too much on my mind.
I can’t stop thinking about people, how they are so mis-informed, ignorant, and just plain uneducated. On a number of things but mostly, children. I’m still figuring them out myself, but I was a child and I’ve been around many before having my own. What blows my mind is people who have had children that act like a crying child is a terrible thing, but then if they’re happy and squealing, that’s bad too. What? Kids are emotional basket cases!! At least mine are, and its apparently normal. They also love noise and destruction! I mean I have all boys, so what would you expect? Kids are demanding creatures, they demand time, food, fun, basically everything, your job as the adult\parent is to provide them with the needs and even some wants, cause you can’t have everything you want, sorry Eli you can’t own a dinosaur… Makes me sad too!
Nursing babies, wow, so so so many people know nothing ! Or very little.. I mean, not entirely their fault but if you’ve nursed a child before then is it really necessary to say oh they eat every 1.5 hours? Isn’t that too often.. Uh no, because all babies are different, and they eat often when they have growth spurts which is often, and I personally have had a surgery which made it almost impossible to even nurse my children so I’m lucky I can and I am, babies also don’t just nurse for food, they get thirsty, some do for comfort alot, and that’s Normal and Okay. 
I was asked again the other day, does he take a bottle yet? As if nursing is only meant to be a short term thing then you must switch to formula.. What? No, no my 3 month old baby isn’t using formula, he nurses, sometimes often, and I’m OK with that. Because it’s normal ! It also frustrates me when my kids make crumbs or get their fingers sticky and people freak out, like they are spreading a disease. SOAP AND WATER. They’re only going to get to rub chocolate all over so many times when they’re little, let them enjoy it! Cause after they’re covered head to toe, its bubble bath time and you can wipe up the mess ! Yay clean!

I want all the new parents out there to know all this. Don’t try to force them to be mini adults, don’t force them into a rigid schedule to appease you, they have needs when they have needs, 3am and hungry, well you eat when your hungry! They don’t have to match all the time, they don’t have to constantly wipe their hands an face an be clean. Kids get sticky, they’ll live. Let them explore the dirt, textures of nature, fabrics etc, it helps them develop and grow. Also don’t underestimate their intelligence! They’re very smart, almost too smart, they’ll even teach you a few things. 

In what world…

Ok, I saw this picture the other day on Facebook advertising this “play pen” type thing for babies, and I just had to share the photo and say some things about this.  

 
First off, why does she have two glasses of wine out in the counter? And why is she smiling at the food she’s cutting up? Is someone else there talking to her or something ? Cause that baby isn’t doing much but sitting there playing with a book, yeah, about that baby.. Who’s child actually sits there if they have an escape out of that play pen?! Come on now, reality please ! Next question, why is she wearing workout clothes to cook in? Or maybe she’s just preparing a snack after her work out, with her two cups of wine, that’s probably why she’s happy. Ok. Next thing, how the heck is her dang kitchen so flippin clean, no mothers kitchen looks like that in real life! It’s like ikea set up clean, ya know ? And it’s like super bright outside, why are you drinking wine that early in the day with your kid? 

I can’t be the only one wondering all these things about this stupid picture …lol. 

Touched out.

I bet you’re wondering, What’s touched out ? I myself wondered if this was a possible thing. Being a mother, I have one of 3 children touching me in some way all day long, so when bed time comes I want to hide myself away before someone wakes up or before my dear husband tries moving in on me for uninterrupted hugs and kisses. 

It’s when you just can’t stand to be touched any more, you just feel unsettled and anxious cause you know it can go from silence and comfort to screaming crying I want mommy now melt downs in seconds flat. It’s a terrible feeling, it leaves your spouse feeling like you hate them or something terrible, but it’s not any of that. After realizing I just can’t be touched anymore one night, and telling my husband to just give me space, I can’t think of breath I need to unwind and not be “bothered”, really I was meaning touched even if it was just a hug, I needed My body to be ALL MINE for a while. He backed off, still not fully understanding it. Then I came across this blog post! About being touched out and I suddenly felt like ok I’m not a weirdo!! Other moms deal with this too. So here I’m gonna share this link with you, it’s a great read and full of some tips to help 🙂 

http://www.lllusa.org/blog/getting-in-touch-with-the-touched-out-feeling/